I guess I hate how things end.

This last week I spent 8 days in middle of nowhere although historic desert as a training officer for an organization that operates as a youth military leadership training program. I was in charge of a flight or a team on a support level so basically my role was to be emotional support, physical support, and providing guidance and resolution for the team members or "cadre" / leadership. A grand majority of my job was really emotional support, I was in charge of a group of young girls who were all GOING through it so they were breaking down nonstop and needed some support, space or someone to talk to.

Some girls were breaking down 10 times a day particularly in the beginning, so I had to think about how can I be there for them? It was one of the most unique challenges I have ever faced as I am not the most emotionally supportive by nature, I feel very cold and not very warm. It's tough. However somehow their need for help turned on something in me that made it almost easy. I think it was that I just had this natural instinct kick in where I need to be there for them. It was almost like I imagine the feeling of being a Dad.

It was so amazing because by the end they all had really great feelings for me with many of them stating nice things and I can tell what they were saying was real in that sense. At the end, I almost cried because my feelings were so bittersweet, I loved being there for these young adults so much that the idea that this would end was just ugh.

One of my favorite movies is Lost In Translation and I constantly have THAT feeling when it comes to all these people I come across in my life. I just hate that it's a moment in time, I am not saying I would want it to be forever, but it's unfortunate for many it will be just a memory, all those moments supporting, talking, the emotional investment, and just the genuine enjoyment of the "relationship" with these students for it to just fade is a lot.

The odds are for many of them, my encounters will be limited but I just feel invested in them now. I am blessed to have a few rocks as relationships with my Girlfriend, family, some friends but the burden or bittersweetness of having relationships come and go is a lot. I am at a weird age where I can relate with many of them but not at the same time, I think that made me more of a down to earth or their level kind of person.

One moment I really do need to take note of was a moment that our flight commander broke down because he cared so much about his team, he was doing a great job and the team was really coming together and he could not help but feel the sensation of failing them. He stated:

Wow I have never seen such a selfless leader in my life, it's a damn shame there is not more of these leaders and people out there. There was one young cadre there that I really got to spend some time with and I appreciated their company.

The relationships I made with the other TO's and HSO should not go unnoticed either, these people were outstanding, they took the time to teach me, spend time with me, learn about one another and support me, my other TO in particular was just incredible - we really went through it all and she did get an award for it at the end which I am so so happy about it, she really goes above and beyond in life and is a total inspiration.

One of the greatest moments of my life and I already have strong nostalgia or feelings about it. I will be 100% attending next year and I hope so badly to see some of the cadets grow even stronger/greater. The other TO I was with talked so much about watching the young adults grow and become better and I think it will be incredible to see that first hand. It hit me watching some of the cadets grow up at our local squadron not too long ago.

Well anyways I wanted to get this off my chest so I can go back to my good ol reality working with people who do not care for even their own lives. Again, thank God I have such lovely people such as Girlfriend, family, etc. or this life would be too difficult to bear.

This experience has made me rethink life once again (my 100th quarter life crisis). This makes me wonder if I am doing the wrong things in my life, it seems everyone is lusting to "escape", maybe I just need to get back to accepting I mean hell I myself am so young in the grand scheme of things.

In terms of more rational not emotional things there is a few things I would do differently. I decided to tent camp rather than stay in a sea hut however this ultimately failed as I ended up staying in my car due to the wind being a pain in the ass and making it hard for me to sleep. So given that this next time, I would go all in on car camping in my Tesla, just right out of the gate do that. It's really just a sleeping quarters anyways as our long 17 hour work days did not allow us to do that. I would not bring probably 50% of the items I brought, maybe not even the cooler to be honest. I would simply bring the following:

One of the things I may or may not bring is more snacks and monster/redbull - the Cadre loved them!