October 2026

Being Her Turtle

I've been meaning to write, good gosh this woman has made me feel things I have never felt except maybe with my very first crush in Middle School. I am just frankly head over heels and have been head over heels for her since I have met her, I have never felt so naturally attracted to someone genuinely, with all the chemistry, with all the physical attraction, with even how simply amazing she is, she has left me just in awe. This is a woman I could see myself spend the rest of my life with. I look at pictures of her many many times a day, I look forward to every text, call, facetime she sends me. When I left NYC, I wrote to my grandfather that leaving her is worse than hell and I still feel that way. I cried on the way back from New York City for a reason, I felt similar to when she left from Las Vegas this most recent time. I just never ever want to leave her.

The first night I met her I knew in all my heart that this woman is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, which is stupidly bold for simply the first night together but I mean it that is how I felt and I cannot control my feelings - I still hold the same conviction. What I actually said was "I never want this night to end" but that was just hedging for the reality which was, I never want to leave you.

I never want to leave you.

We just got done with our trip to Salt Lake City, Yellowstone, Las Vegas, & Grand Canyon and I will be honest the first half with our friends were splendid but my gosh when it was just her and I, she showed me her true romance, her true feelings, her unguarded heart and I completely capitulated to her proudly.

There has not been a day where I just did not absolutely adore this woman, te adoro to say the least, it really is beyond that. I believe it is the feeling of love. I have never been so mature in a relationship personally as this woman is worth every ounce of growth, sacrifice and ounce inside of me, simply because I feel like the luckiest man on this planet. She is divine and how we met is I still believe divine. When we met, I knew if I did not pursue her it would be the worst mistake of my life. I love growing with her, she is probably more grown or experienced than I am, she knows deeply what she likes and does not like - for me I seem to be a bit loose and overly acceptant which could or could not be the case, as frankly I do not like to play God as I believe God already made this woman divinely exceptional. Given that, I have spent a good amount of focus trying to support her growth by extending more to help her English so she can pursue her dream of working at the UN.

I think one thing I have really gotten exceptional at is being patient and being in the moment, even just meeting her a theme has been how fast life can change and how you cannot plan for it, so therefore especially after talking with my good friend Jason, I am no longer saying all my +2 month ambitions, I am just focusing on right now and being a turtle with her. She said a beautiful thing after she told me the song "Ahi" by Karol G is in dedication of us -

"Tenme paciencia, yo voy poquito a poco como las totugas"

and I reminded her I will be her turtle which she loved. It makes sacrificing easy when you know you have maybe the rest of your life with someone, that one little sacrifice knowing that you get to spend the rest of your life with someone is worth everything.

Her and I are going to spend Thanskgiving together, she brought up the idea of her just simply coming to Las Vegas and spending it with me in my house, cute dinner & a movie. I think there is two aspects to it that are my theories, I think for one she loves that I have a real life, I have a house, a job, a very very ambitious and real career track - she may love that story or with a glass half empty, she may be worried that she is coming off too expensive and wants to hedge a bit and make sure that I know that is not the case. I know deep down that is not the case, I am very very good at reading people historically and I can just feel what her and I have is genuine, and I think she knows it too, just the trauma of these other losers (otherwise known as males) has made her tread carefully rather than deep dive into anything, I am okay with that as in the grand scheme, life, this is a small "price" to pay for a beautiful life together. Here I go again speaking ahead of myself.

My feelings are that I want her, I love being with her, she makes me happy in an almost crazy way, and I want to be with her every minute - me haces mucha falta. This woman has got me learning Spanish just from the sheer desire to be with her fully. This woman has me at a point where I just cannot control my feelings and my desire for her, I used to be so precise with my feelings and in control and strategic - no mas clearly, it's just that one feeling of being lucky and wanting her. I worry that she feels I am love bombing her with just how much I adore her as hell even I would feel that way, but no, these feelings are very real, very authentic.

I am going to ask her to be my formal girlfriend in NYC at the Nutcracker in December. I think she has suspicion of it because she always says 5-6 months is enough time to know and I am like hmmm December would be 5 months but this is just speculation.

I love how I find her amazing endlessly, I truly just find her to be so exquisite. She has so much class, her story is so beautiful and inspiring, her brain is so big and heart so deep, this is crazy I want to cry just thinking about her. The emotions towards her are almost a yearning for her. I've said it before and I will say it again, I feel like the luckiest man on this planet with her and that alone will drive what her and I are looking for - love, the actual love. To quote Robin Williams,

"You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself"Robin Williams

- this sounds insane but I do not think I am too far off this if any, I already pre-decided that I want and am willing to sacrifice some of my goals to be with her. I always explain to her that my valuation of things in life is family and wife and that is #1, everything else is just material, ego, etc. nice to have things - won't make me endlessly happy. I am completely vulnerable to her, she can level me with her eyes alone, I feel like God put an angel on earth just for me, an angel that can pull me up from the depths of hell. Many words later, the only ones that matter are I am happy, I am so incredibly happy, I never ever want to leave her.